I want that old thang back!

When I was younger, I heard the saying “You think you’re better than people” or “You always want to be seen” too many times to count. I was a bit of a rebel growing up, so hearing those words only made me want to be seen even more. When I got to college, I thought that having a flamboyant personality was ‘childish’. Resulting in me, toning down my personality in all ways possible. Conflict began within in me because I was trying to be someone I was not. Hearing those pressuring words over and over as a child made me feel insecure and bad about myself. Never have I ever felt I was better than anyone because of my personality or abilities. All throughout my adolescent years, I got in trouble for being the class clown or talking too much. I always thought of that discipline as a way to make me like everyone else. I have never wanted or tried to be anyone besides Arian. These past months I’ve been on a self-discovery journey, and I finally feel like the “old Arian” is coming back. I feel her shining through when I record my episodes for The Arian Helm Show. I’ve missed her. I’ve allowed others to dim my light. I had that fear of over shining, because of what I was told while I was younger, so I would sit quiet in situations where I knew I wanted to speak up. Being an extrovert and having a flamboyant personality can be a bit too much for some. As I am growing into a young woman, I am working on not dimming my light anymore. No matter where I am or who I am talking to. It is still very hard for me because I don’t want to step on other’s toes, but I don’t want to sell myself short. Finding that balance for me as an adult was truly needed.